Handling Life’s Curveballs: A Mother’s Day Tribute to My Mom

It was a sunny spring day in 1968 in Louisville, Kentucky. My Mom and I had made the hour drive from our house in central Kentucky, to the S&H Green Stamp store. Mom handed the clerk a stack of books filled with stamps that she had earned and saved from shopping at the Winn-Dixie grocery store. She told the man behind the counter, “I’ll take the catcher’s mitt.” The clerk looked at me and asked, “Is that mitt for the young fella? He looks a little skinny to be a catcher.” Mom said, “No, that catcher’s mitt is for me, he’s going to be my left-handed pitcher.” And they exchanged stamps for the mitt.

My Dad had died suddenly the year before. As an 8 year old, my world had been shaken. I never knew of anyone who had died. And the idea a parent could die was not a concept I had ever thought of. Since I was 6 or so, I had enjoyed playing catch in the backyard with my Dad when he got home from work. With his death, the game of catch abruptly stopped – a huge void for me.

With an older brother and sister who were away at college, my Mom was simply not going to allow me to not have a partner with whom to play catch. She jumped in to fill the void. My Dad’s beat up, tattered left-handed first baseman’s mitt with a rag in the inside wasn’t going to work for Mom, so she saved her stamps with an eye on that catcher’s mitt.

Once she had that mitt, the games of catch began again. Having been the only girl with four brothers, she was fearless. She hit it with gusto. Playing catch together lasted until I was about 11 and started throwing pretty hard and experimenting with curve balls and throwing sidearm. Fortunately, we had moved to suburban Chicago, where I could ride my bike to the park where our Little League games were played and there were plenty of catch partners. So when I was 11 and she was 51, we were both glad to see her retire that catcher’s mitt. It had served its purpose. And my Mom had gotten me over the baseball hump. I could now fly on my own.

Her support clearly didn’t end with hanging up the catcher’s mitt. From a baseball standpoint, she was my greatest fan. I can’t accurately guess the number of hours she sat on those uncomfortable stands watching Little League, Pony League, Babe Ruth, High School, Summer League, and traveling All Star games. And when I played in college and our team played anywhere close to Chicago at Illinois, Notre Dame, Indiana State, Eastern Illinois, University of Illinois-Chicago and other schools, she would always travel to see us play.

My Mom was truly my hero. Helen Bolton. She didn’t have it so easy. She was widowed at 48 with two children in college and me. She moved us to Chicago to take care of her aging parents. She went to work as a legal secretary to support us. She cared for her elderly mother and other relatives. And she was an incredible woman. I cannot remember her ever complaining. She was a leader. She was so kind and wise. Always inviting people to the house for dinner that were alone. Giving people who didn’t have rides, rides back and forth from church. She cared deeply for others. While she didn’t’ have a lot of free time, she volunteered for Red Cross and the United Way. She served on the Board of Directors of the United Way for Chicago in the ‘70s – how many legal secretaries served on Boards at that time? A life master bridge player. An excellent golfer who had her first hole-in-one at age 70. And she sure loved her kids and her grandkids. My greatest teacher. She died 19 years ago. I miss her every day.

When I tell the catcher’s mitt story, I can’t tell it without getting choked up. I am crying as I write it now! My Mom was a great mother; a great woman. I can only hope my kids feel that I’m the kind of parent my Mom was to me. While she helped me learn how to pitch, what she really did was help me learn how to handle life’s curveballs. That’s what Moms do. Happy Mother’s Day, Mom!

First posted for Mother’s Day in 2010, I really can’t think of a better way to tribute my Mom for being a great person than sharing my story again. And today, after church, I’ll drive to St. Paul and enjoy this sunny spring day by watching a doubleheader as the University of St. Thomas Tommies play my alma mater the Saint Mary’s University of Minnesota Cardinals. I’ll save a seat for you, Mom!

Buzzsaw or Springboard? It’s Your Call

Globalization, innovation and technology collide and act as a buzzsaw to careers and jobs in North America. And they converge to create a springboard to success and prosperity. Which is your truth?

If you are smart, you’re reinventing yourself and how you create value for the future. If you aren’t learning anew and reinventing yourself, you are in much trouble. You are playing Russian Roulette with your career and livelihood. Not in these exact words, but President Obama addressed this issue last night in his State of Union address. Education, reinvention, hard work, discipline — make globalization, innovation and technology your friend. Embrace it. Change. There’s no other alternative.

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A Profound Answer to the CEO

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.

One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, “What’s a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?”

To stress his point he said to another guest; “You’re a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?”

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, “You want to know what I make? (She paused for a second, then began…)

“Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Order of Canada.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can’t make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.

You want to know what I make? (She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table)

I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.
I teach them to write and then I make them write.. Keyboarding isn’t everything.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math. They use their God given brain, not the man-made calculator.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know about English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life. (Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing money isn’t everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant. You want to know what I make? I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?

His jaw dropped, he went silent.

THIS IS WORTH SENDING TO EVERY TEACHER, EVERY CEO, EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW.

Even all your personal teachers like mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, coaches and your spiritual leaders/teachers.

A truly profound answer!!!

Teaching is…the profession that makes all other professions possible! Now, that’s an answer worthy of some reflection.

This story was shared with me by my friend Jim Phillips. Original author unknown.

Attention All Bosses: A Most Important Christmas Gift Request

Dear Boss:

As we celebrate the holidays with our families and reflect on the past year, I hope you won’t mind if I ask you for a special Christmas gift. We both know that 2010 has been a challenging year with more than a few ups and downs. I know you work very hard, have many priorities and have a very difficult job. You are under pressure to deliver results with fewer resources. Your time is precious. I appreciate the work you do and your important job.

While recognizing the challenges you face, I’ve got a request I hope you’ll be open to considering. This request has to do with how we work together in the new year. If you can give these requests a try, it will be a wonderful Christmas gift to me. It’s a gift that I’d love to receive in 2011 and beyond; I know it will benefit us both.

1. We need you to be authentic – not perfect. Help us understand your values and ideas about what’s most important about work. Tell us your concerns, fears and aspirations about work. Let us know who you really are what makes you tick and we’ll go the extra mile for you.

2. Help us understand where the company is headed, what the inevitable changes mean to us and how our work is critical in serving our customers and to achieving the company’s goals. Keep us in the loop as company goals and plans change. Talk straight to us. Be clear about the goals we must achieve and the behaviors we need to show in order to be successful.

3. Show us our work matters. Everyone wants to make a difference, to be part of something bigger than just ourselves. Give us opportunities to hear what’s on the minds of our customers. We love to hear stories from our customers about how the work we do in creating products and services changes their lives for the better. Help us connect the dots between the satisfaction of our customers and the work we do.

4. Listen to us and show you care. We don’t need a lot of one-on-one time, but it sure is great when we can sit down together from time-to-time and discuss how things are going at work and how you see our performance. And the little things to show you care make a difference, too. Taking a few minutes to check-in, asking us what’s going on in our world and seeking suggestions makes us feel as though you believe we are critical to your success. And taking the time to ask us about our career aspirations and dreams and offering your advice on how to achieve these is important, too.

5. Give us some juice. Everyone needs inspiration. Help us make the vision real and show us how we’re making a difference as a company, as a team and as individuals. Tell us how our work is making a dent in the world. Positively challenge us as a team and individually, too.

6. Recognize and appreciate us for a job well done. When we accomplish the goals and do excellent work, let’s take a few moments to celebrate and recognize what went well to make it happen. We don’t have to go overboard, but everyone needs the encouragement and recognition for a job well done – and not just at the end of the year during those dreaded performance reviews. Let’s get the feedback continuously throughout the year. We’ll correct the mistakes that occur and celebrate the wins. That works better, don’t you think?

Thanks so much, boss, for considering my Christmas gift request for 2010. My gift to you is to be fully supportive, engaged and committed to being my best. I’ll give you my best efforts in 2011 to make our company, team and you very successful in the New Year and beyond. Merry Christmas to you and let’s make 2011 our best year ever!

What’s The Most Valuable Question You May Ever Learn?

Whether you are the CEO or an entry level employee, whether you own your own business or work for someone else or another organization, everyone needs to learn this valuable question and skillfully handle this topic.

To grow and be our best, to live satisfying lives, we’ve got to become comfortable both giving and receiving feedback. Unfortunately, a lot of us cringe when we hear the term “feedback”. We think it’s scary to hear and not a lot of fun to deliver.

But the reality is we need to hear feedback if we seek to be our best. As hard as we imagine it might be to hear, the reality is that feedback is not necessarily bad, it’s very often positive, and we simply can’t grow without hearing and acting on the feedback. The other reality is that the feedback is already out there, in the thoughts and perceptions of our co-workers, direct reports, customers and our boss. Let’s face it. We’ve all got blind spots. Isn’t it better to learn the feedback than to be in the dark?

Can you imagine a professional baseball player or golfer that didn’t want regular feedback? That simply wouldn’t fly. So if we need to shift our beliefs about feedback, particularly with year-end performance appraisals right around the corner, what better time to make the shift than now? As Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager, says, “Feedback truly is The Breakfast of Champions.”

Becoming our best requires us to be responsible for our work performance and the health of our relationships. What better way to demonstrate this responsibility by using the Ladder and Pyramid of Feedback? Watch my interview with Tiffany Ogle of NBC Milwaukee’s WTMJ4 The Morning Blend, and you’ll learn the steps for the Ladder and Pyramid of Feedback and the most valuable question you can ask at work.

Our success and satisfaction with work and life is in large part affected by our ability to request and receive feedback continuously. Now go get that feedback!

What are the Pitfalls that Plague Bosses?

Since launching my executive coaching practice ten years ago, I’ve had the good fortune of personally providing leadership assessments and coaching to over 1000 executives in companies ranging from startups to Fortune 15 global powerhouses. These leaders and their direct reports have shared many tales of bosses, both good and bad. When bosses and team leaders operate in ways that are less than inspiring, there are six common problem profiles that emerge. Sometimes a bad boss will operate in one or more of these categories simultaneously. The problem profiles are as follows:

The Tyrant – Rough on people, overly directive, alienates others, cares little about the feelings of people. While he’s technically competent and smart, he pushes people away. He rules by fear.

The “I Don’t Have a Clue” boss – Talks a good game, particularly to those higher in the organization, but clearly in over his head. Provides little clarity and insight. He is fearful. Likely to go overboard on delegation. He’s likely disengaged. Will blame others when problems arise.

The Narcissist – This boss is brilliant, a visionary, yet is motivated solely by his own needs. Seeks credit and desires to look good. People are a tool to achieve his goals. Demonstrates a low level of self-awareness and social awareness. Shows little care toward others. People are pawns.

The Hub-and-Spoke boss – This boss exhorts the importance of teamwork, but controls all the information and makes the key decisions. He manages interactions on a one-off basis. Team meetings are superficial, as he does his dealing in one-on-one meetings with team members. He blindsides others as information isn’t transparent. He’s always got an agenda.

The “Feel Good” boss – Provides positive feedback, perhaps overly positive, but doesn’t engender confidence. Conflict averse. Sees the world with rose-colored glasses. May give recognition and rewards, but followers are never sure they are on solid ground with the “feel good” boss. Doesn’t spot performance problems. Will throw others under the bus to save his skin.

The Micro-Manager boss – Speaks about accountability and results. Manages down. Is technically competent, but not a strategist or change agent. Often uses a pacesetting and directive style. Misses the big picture. Looks over the shoulder of his people. Doesn’t help people grow and develop.

Unfortunately, these six problem profiles are too prevalent. Each profile results in the disengagement of others and ultimately hurts working climate and results.

The reality is that good bosses matter – a lot! Many studies show that for more than 75 percent of employees, dealing with their immediate boss is the most stressful part of the job. Especially for those at the top, bosses matter as their followers closely watch, magnify and often adopt their approaches. So to get top performance, bosses need to operate in ways that inspire. And bosses, your followers need to know you’ve got their backs. The six problem profiles. These profiles aren’t part of your repertoire – are they?

Why You Need To Be Like Lady Gaga

Every one of us, whether we’re the CEO or an entry level employee, whether we operate our own business or work for an employer, needs a well-defined personal brand. Our personal brand is about bringing our authentic self to work and doing our very best. It’s adopting a personal service provider mindset. And it’s not just for Lady Gaga, Madonna, Shaun White, Kanye West or other celebrities.

There are three reasons for defining our personal brands:

1. To get better results;
2. To distinguish ourselves from the average performers;
3. To give us juice and inspiration;

Here are several ideas for defining your personal brand.

Here’s the reality. In today’s competitive world, if you don’t have a well-defined personal brand, you are a commodity. And being a commodity is not a fun place to be. Do you want to be a rock? Or do you want to be a rock star?

You can’t afford to not have a well-defined personal brand. What next steps can you take to better define and communicate your personal brand?

What Makes a Great Team Member?

I’ve learned from clients the best team members share common characteristics in both the “skill” and the “will” areas.

A common mistake leaders make when hiring is overemphasizing the need for skill and skill alone. For example, how often have we heard a comment that goes something like this, “Larry is a great engineer and has outstanding technical skills and, therefore, he’ll be a great addition to the team.” The reality is that if we don’t have a good assessment of Larry’s “will” characteristics, in spite of his strong technical skills, he may actually be a liability to the team.

When assessing the “skill” side of the equation, we look for: 1. Technical competence; 2. Results-orientation; 3. Resilience and 4. Emotional intelligence (self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management skills). And the good news: each of these characteristics can be learned.

The “will” characteristics that make a great team member are trickier to learn. Much of the will characteristics are truly about attitude, and attitude carries the day in team performance. In fact, some say that attitude is everything.

The will characteristics that make an outstanding team member include the use of positive leadership and communication styles. In other words, being able to adapt their approach in a given situation to get on the same frequency as others to accomplish work. Will is also being supportive of others. This is demonstrated by genuinely encouraging others and seeking to build strong, trusting relationships. Finally, high-performing team members recognize that on-going feedback is a key ingredient in the success of individuals and teams. As Ken Blanchard, author of the One Minute Manager series has said, “Feedback is the breakfast of champions.” Outstanding team members seek feedback and share feedback, recognizing they cannot improve if they don’t receive it, both individually and collectively as a team.

Think for a moment about each of the members of your team at work. Do they consistently demonstrate all of the characteristics in both the “Skill” and “Will” buckets? If not, the performance of your team and the motivation of other team members is most likely not what it could be.

Do You Have Problem Children on Your Business Team?

If you have your own business or are a leader, chances are you depend on others – your team — to get work done, satisfy customer needs and keep the business growing. And like any group of any individuals brought together for a common purpose, the chain is only as strong as the weakest link.

On most business teams, there are the A-level team players, those who are outstanding in both skill and will. They achieve results and demonstrate positive, supportive behaviors. Following the A-level team players are the B-level team players, the “Steady Eddies”, who may not perform at quite the level of the A-player, but nevertheless demonstrate a desire and capability to work together for the common good and produce a good overall work product. Then you have the C-level team players. The C-level team players are capable of performing satisfactorily – when they want to. C-players demonstrate at times a skill and/or will deficiency. As a leader, it’s important to determine if the issue is a skill issue or a will issue. Skills can typically be learned if the individual is willing. Will issues are tougher as they have to do with the individual’s intent, beliefs and motivations.

There are five problem profiles that are worth keeping an eye out for. They are:

The “Holier than Thou” player – Often a valuable producer, the Holier than Thou team player believes the rules and norms are good for the team, as long as they don’t apply to him. He talks a good game, but he’s far too valuable in his mind on other important individual pursuits to fully dedicate himself to be a willing, supportive teammate.

The “Rose-colored glasses” player – Often a conscientious, heart-in-the-right place player, sees reality not for what it is, but for what she’d like it to be. Uncomfortable with any form of conflict, she won’t raise the “rotting fish” issue, tolerating performance gaps and working quietly behind the scenes to sweep up the mess or otherwise backstop the problem caused by not addressing the issue candidly in the first place.

The “Glass half-empty” player – Shoots down possibility thinking and is a total drag when brainstorming or visioning. The glass half-empty player rarely offers an alternative course to accomplish the goal. While this player may have great points, in time their impact will be minimized as others turn a deaf ear to their constant stream of “no’s” and other objections.

The “Disengaged” player – May give the appearance of engagement, but when the important work is to be done or critical discussion is taking place, they are pre-occupied with other tasks, creating an engagement void that rubs other team members the wrong way and often prevents a full contribution by the disengaged party.

The “Loafer” player – An occupational tourist or vacationer, this team member doesn’t carry his full load of responsibility and may miss important commitments and deadlines. Capability of performing at a higher level, the loafer can’t be fully depended on to contribute, but is there with hand out when it’s time to distribute the rewards.

Too often leaders are oblivious to the dynamics of what is going on within their teams between the players. Keeping an eye out for problem behaviors is a must. Engaging in supportive and candid straight talk when any of these problem behaviors are spotted is necessary for full team alignment, engagement and achieving desired results. Bottom line, it’s the leader’s job to create the climate for success, and that requires being aware of and addressing problematic team behaviors.

What’s Your Operating Style: At Work and at Home?

A high-ranking, results-driven, senior leader, “Phil”, recently received some tough feedback from his direct reports and peers. In summary, the feedback said Phil treated people harshly, with his pacesetting and overly-directive operating style. Phil explained that he had to operate this way; he was under enormous pressure to deliver results and this approach was required to ensure objectives would be met. Phil explained that his job was to deliver performance and he did what it took to get the job done. Acknowledging that he sometimes went overboard and could be a jerk at work, Phil assured the executive coach (who had been called in by Phil’s boss who worried that Phil was alienating others) that he only operated this way on the job; outside of work he was a completely different person.

His executive coach suggested that he call Phil’s wife and teenage kids and ask them how Phil was like at home. Realizing that he painted himself in a corner, when Phil’s coach asked for Phil’s wife and kids’ cell phone numbers, Phil had no choice but to turn them over, which he did half-heartedly.

What did Phil’s wife say? “Phil can act like a jerk at home; when he orders me around.” What did Phil’s kids say? “Dad can act like a jerk at home, when he orders us around and then yells at us if we don’t do exactly what he wants.”

Let’s face it, being a leader is a tough job. Leaders are under unrelenting pressure to deliver results, often having to juggle competing priorities with insufficient resources. And leaders need others to get results. How they get the results is critical. Leaders drive the working climate others experience, upwards of 50 – 70% of their working climate is created by the leader. And working climate drives discretionary effort and engagement. So what can leaders do to ensure others experience a better working climate while marching for results? Learn to use each of the six leadership styles and use the right style (or combination of styles) at the right time to gain the desired results. I discussed this concept last week on my appearance on NBC Milwaukee’s WTMJ4 The Morning Blend.

Bolton-WTMJ_072810_9am-Leadership-Chuck Bolton

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And when leaders leave work, go home and play the role of spouse, significant other and parent, they can also use these styles to strengthen the communication and bond with family members and to create a better atmosphere there. Believing there is only one way to skin a cat is a limiting belief. Learn the different styles and not only get better results, but improve how you are seen by others and your own satisfaction, too. Here’s a link to a chapter from my book Leadership Wipeout: The Story of an Executive’s Crash and Rescue that discusses each of the styles in detail.

What if you tried a new style at work and home? What could be the difference?